In full accordance with my newly appointed task as the
Official Newcomer-Buller Baby Namer (itself a surprising reward for the arduous task of pulling three near-all-nighters in the span of four miserable days), I would like to use this post to open up the process of discerning a suitable moniker in true democratic fashion to the collective Minds of the wider East Hall community. As such, it is our opportunity, nay,
our responsibility to use the comments following this post as the forum to suggest the perfect name for the as-of-yet unborn child.
I propose the following course of action: subsequent to this initial period of
brainstorming, the most brilliant suggestions will be narrowed down to a small pool of four to six undoubtedly fantastic options. At this time a proper and rigorous
internet-based survey will be provided to allow each an opportunity to cast his or her votes. The top two choices will at this point be presented to the not-quite-yet-parents, who, after showering us with a multitude of thanks for be spared of this most difficult (and almost certainly marriage-threatening) process, will then choose the
binding winner. In a potentially fascinating twist borrowed from the best of reality television, each of them will be given a single veto; if no suitable names have been determined, we will start from scratch and do it all again, albeit in abbreviated fashion if the deadline draws near. Obviously, this is no decision with which an unhappy outcome is acceptable.
Now, seeing as we at this time have no definitive information as to the sex of the aforementioned babe, we thus have what seems almost limitless freedom in our options. However, there are clear limits to good taste; "Bambi", for one, is such a name that, however lovely, will be forever linked uncomfortable sadness of a parent's untimely demise at the hands of an evil hunter. "Adolf" would also seem to cross some sort of unspoken line, setting the child up for a lifetime of ridicule and scorn. Additionally, any sort of name involving non-alphabetical characters such as "1337 hakz0r!", while quite trendy, is also unacceptable. Beyond these three, however, pretty much anything goes.
I have accepted this responsibility with great humility and seriousness, as I am sure every single one of the rest of you would. When one feels pain, we all feel pain; when one joy, all joy; and when one is in need, we
extend the bold hand of active friendship. We must not let any parents-to-be down, my dear friends, least of all our own. Take heed, get your creative juices flowing, and
answer this challenge!!!(N.b. Angela and Brett - I must hasten to add that reading this post in full constitutes a total awareness of and acceptance of all terms and conditions stated above, and any attempt to evade these contractual obligations will only result tears, sadness, and lawyerly involvement. This was your idea, after all.)
